philburmac:

I miss the days when I could eat corn without looking like I’m trying to sing and give someone a blowjob at the same time…

Lmao!

917 notes

animalstalkinginallcaps:

OH, UM … GREETINGS, TRAVELER. I SEE YOU’VE RETURNED FROM THE VALLEY OF GROCERIES. I WAS JUST TAKING A STROLL UPON THE WHITE ROAD. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT RUNS FROM THE KINGDOM OF FLUSHES TO THE RUGWOOD.
IT’S A VERY NEW ROAD, MAYBE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF IT.
I CAN SEE YOU’RE IN A HURRY. PERHAPS I’LL JUST DART OFF UNDERNEATH COUCH MOUNTAIN FOR A BIT UNTIL THE STORM IN YOUR EYES HAS PASSED.
YES. YES I THINK THAT’S BEST.

animalstalkinginallcaps:

OH, UM … GREETINGS, TRAVELER. I SEE YOU’VE RETURNED FROM THE VALLEY OF GROCERIES. I WAS JUST TAKING A STROLL UPON THE WHITE ROAD. YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT RUNS FROM THE KINGDOM OF FLUSHES TO THE RUGWOOD.

IT’S A VERY NEW ROAD, MAYBE YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF IT.

I CAN SEE YOU’RE IN A HURRY. PERHAPS I’LL JUST DART OFF UNDERNEATH COUCH MOUNTAIN FOR A BIT UNTIL THE STORM IN YOUR EYES HAS PASSED.

YES. YES I THINK THAT’S BEST.

7,242 notes

amazingatheist:

This is the fundamental problem of our age. If we don’t overcome this, we are going to die. 

amazingatheist:

This is the fundamental problem of our age. If we don’t overcome this, we are going to die. 

352 notes

Woman v. The Government

  • Woman: I cannot afford to have a child right now. Can I have birth control?
  • Government: No.
  • Woman: I got pregnant but I cannot afford to have a child and I'm not ready to be a parent. Can I have an abortion?
  • Government: No.
  • Woman: I had the child, but I cannot afford to raise him. Will you help me out?
  • Government: No.
  • Woman: I guess I'll have to give my child up for adoption.
  • Barry and Steve: We would love to raise your child. We have been in a committed relationship for 15 years. We have steady careers and are very successful and financially stable. We love children and wish to provide a loving nurturing environment for your child. Would you be willing to give your child to us?
  • Woman: Sure, as long as it's ok with the government.
  • Government: No.

15,138 notes

No, you can’t deny women their basic rights and pretend it’s about your ‘religious freedom.’ If you don’t like birth control, don’t use it. Religious freedom doesn’t mean you can force others to live by your own beliefs.

President Barack Obama

(via barackobama)

149,875 notes